The art supply store down the road is having a "Moving Sale", so I decided to take a look. I came out of there buying two things, 1 lb. of beeswax and a tube of titanium white, neither of which were part of the sale, but oh well. For a few weeks, I have been wanting to try my hand at encaustic painting, thus the beeswax. From what little understanding I have, there are a few ways to work with the encaustic process, and I chose to melt the wax and combine it with some oil paint. Mostly, I want to use this for texture purposes; it will take me a while to manipulate it for "paint" application purposes.
Anyways, I have never been a huge fan of painting in oils unless portraiture is involved; my heart lies (lays? kitkat, which one?) with acrylics because of their immediacy. Plus, I feel that I was never taught how to use oils properly. A few years ago, my grampa gave me his easel, some canvases, and his paint bin which is packed with various oil paints, solvents, and brushes. He painted for many years (in fact, my first painting lesson was with him), but he decided to stop after Parkinson's limited his dexterity. I felt and still feel privileged to have these things handed down to me as there are several other artistic folk in the family. Whenever we discussed painting, he would always say, "I'm not a creative person. I'm good at copying, but I don't have an artist's creativity." I felt this way about myself during most of my college years. It has only been within the past year that I've started to tap into creativity, or so I hope.
Not really knowing what I was doing, I began melting some of the beeswax to experiment. Out of the hall closet I retrieved grampa's art bin for some of my oil paints, opened it, and had to stop for a minute. It's funny how certain smells open floodgates of memories...smells of this art bin provoked a mixture of memories: from the way my grampa would leave his brushes soaking in turpentine by the kitchen sink in his NC home to the way the painting studio smelled my second semester of freshman year at UNF...Painting Fundamentals with Prof. G (I hated that class). It's also funny how objects gain even more importance once that person is no longer around. It's almost like an artifact that shouldn't be disturbed. I managed to get my oil paints and continue my experiment, which was most definitely an experiment...in the name of art. I have a long way to go with encaustic.
So, I'm feeling rather blue today. Memories are wonderful things, but they can be bittersweet. On top of that, I found out today that Sittee, my mom's mom, has cancer which has spread to her spinal cord and brain.
There is this inevitable truth that people die...their bodies fail. And though we know the end will come, it's still so hard to accept when it comes to fruition. I truly believe that we are spiritual beings in a physical world, which is mind boggling. If we aren't spiritual beings housing souls within these physical forms, then we wouldn't mind hanging out with dead bodies all the time. It is the soul that gives the body life and personality.
Anyhow, what do you think?
blah.
6 comments:
First off Cath, i am so sorry to hear about your Sittee...I need to call Laura too. She will be in my prayers, as will all your family.
During Mass on Sunday, Sarah says to me "Mommy, how do you think Grampa is feeling now that he is in Heaven?"--I am sure he is feeling great...
I thought of him alot today because we were burning leaves..LOL. He always did that. I even took a pic of Brian burning them b/c it reminded me of Gpa! :)
I am glad you have his art supplies..that is awesome! I hope you enjoy using them, and enjoy your memories of him too.
I love you!
Katie
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin said, "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience."
That quote helps me put the short time we all have on Earth into perspective. I am so sorry to hear about your Sittee. I'm sure that must be difficult for you.
The smells thing... I've recently learned this. Apparently, of the five senses, the sense of smell is the only one that is actually connected to the part of the brain that controls memories. That is why certain scents have such a strong connection with certain memories. Fun fact for you.
My Dad was a mechanic while I was growing up. That smell of oil that most people get sick over, that makes me feel safe... It always meant that Daddy was home, lol.
It seems we've all been missing Dad lately... I guess he's getting bored with Heaven already.
"God, I'm not omnipotent or anything, but I do know this..."
I miss him a lot. I'll keep you grandmother in our prayers as well.
BTW - in the Theology of the Body, JP2 explains well that we are both bodies and soul... that our souls match our bodies, etc. Our bodies are not merely shells, but an intricate part of us, which is why, when Jesus returns, we are raised with them intact.
It is also why Mary was so special, to be granted the honor of being brought soul AND body to heaven in the assumption.
BTW 2 - If I had to pick a smell that reminded me of Dad... well, it wouldn't be pleasant :)
I can never remember the lay, lie thing. I think it's lie, unless you are referring to what chickens do with eggs (lay) or if you are talking about past tense (I lay down for a nap yesterday).
Anyway.
Smells do bring back memories, and while it can be unpleasant, at least the painting and his supplies give you a very physical way to keep your grampa with you.
I do want to comment on your creativity. I struggle with this as a writer because I can't think of anything to write about (contrary to what my blog would suggest). I think about all the authors who published all their great works before they were my age. Then again, it was a different world back then. I think creativity is a combination of something inside you plus life experience. We're both young, and I don't think I've really lived. Bottom line: I think creativity will develop with time.
Katie: the burning leaves thing cracks me up. Laura and my dad always tell me the story about when they were re-roofing g&g's house, and gpa decided to burn leaves. The wind kept blowing the smoke in their faces.
Uncle Petey: Haha! I can only imagine...but I don't want to ;)
kitkat: "I think creativity is a combination of something inside you plus life experience." I couldn't agree more. I have found that my art is "better" (or at least I feel better making it/struggling with it) when it has been influenced directly by life experiences. The first time I really felt that was while interning at Wolfson; the experiences I had with those children made me paint things I didn't know I had in me.
Cath - You have always been creative, whether you know it or not. I think kitkat is right and I also think that life as you are experiencing it directly impacts your art. In a way, your art is a story of your life - that's why Picasso's and so many other artists' art change over their life time: blue period, cubism, crap period or fabulousism...take your pick.
I agree with Uncle Pete. I think our bodies and souls were paired together perfectly. Only death makes our bodies seem like a mere shell but during life they hold our facial expressions, or laughter, our voice and give us the ability to run, jump, hug, lay on the beach and much more, of course. All I can think about Sittee is that Papa is saying "Come on, Annie, it's time to come home." In a way, I envy that they get to hang out in heaven. After all, it's the best gig in existence.
Thankfully there is one sense strongly connected to memory, otherwise we'd forget many more things than we already do. I never would have guessed, when you were painting with Grampa at their Hayesville house, that would have become your passion. I have always associated him with the beginning of you and painting...pretty cool.
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