Cleanse*

*I never finished this post but wanted to publish it anyways...this feels like forever ago.

Yesterday started my 3-day fruit cleanse for the 40 day program. This entails 3 days of eating nothing but fruit...avocado and tomato count as do fruit juices and tomato soup. This is day 2, and I have never been more thankful for tomato soup than I am at this moment. I don't even like tomato soup! And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm tired of eating things that are sweet. After this fruit cleanse is over, I can't see myself picking up a piece of chocolate or anything with a lot of sugar. I'm all sugar-ed out. This cleanse is also doing wonders to my digestive system...I'll leave that to your imagination. I feel good though...lighter, brighter, cleaner. It's interesting though, how much food affects you. So many times we just eat because we're bored (my vice) or upset or restless. Eating only fruit is making me realize how much food I DON'T need to eat and still feel nourished and be able to function. Yes, it is possible to do an hour and half yoga practice only on fruit :)

Awake

I got to work an hour late yesterday because I slept through/turned off all three alarms without getting up. I'm not a morning person---never have been---and if I don't get my shower-time in (which helps me wake up), I feel like a zombie (literally) ALL day. And then I have to hear people say, "Man, you look tired!" which annoys me to high heaven. It's like someone telling you that you look sick :P Anyways, I blame part of this over-sleeping on attending the hour and a half yoga class Monday night, and the group session directly after. I didn't get home until 10pm, and didn't get into bed until midnight. My body decided I needed a full 8 hours, so I guess I can't argue with that.

So I have 1 week of the 40-day program under my belt, and it feels wonderful. I've become aware of a lot of things in that short period of time, so I can only imagine what the next few weeks will bring to the surface. There are these excavation questions we have to answer which correspond to the meditation theme for the week. Actually putting a pen to paper and writing down the answers was awakening; we think we know ourselves, but so much gets lost in translation when those thoughts are left to just float around in our heads. When "forced" to move your thoughts from the abstract to the concrete, it becomes clear...or clearer.

Overall, I feel myself making a return to emotion. What I mean is that I've spent the past several months somewhat numb, mostly due to the end of a 5yr. relationship; those last few months in the relationship were particularly draining to the point of emotional exhaustion. So I gave up on emotions for a while, which denied the sensitive part of who I am. I'm noticing that I'm not as afraid to feel the good, bad, and the ugly. At the same time though, I notice myself being very sensitive to other people and their life situations/emotions. I have a tendency to take responsibility for others emotions, so I'm working on a balance.

I must admit, I'm not quite as excited this week as I was last week....not as easily motivated. I'm determined and happy to push through it, though.

As we say at the end of class, Namaste.

More on my meditation struggles later...