I vowed to myself long ago that I would never give cash to a stranger who approached me with that request. I don't care what or how convincing the story is, I won't budge. What solidified this decision for me was a guest speaker who came to visit my college writing class (back in 2003...my word, has it been 6 years?). The guest (I believe his name was Spencer) worked at a local homeless shelter/rehab facility and was a friend of my professor, Chris Dew. Hearing Spencer's first-hand experience with addicts (most of whom were homeless) made me decide that the worst thing I could do was give them money.
This is very different from my father's mentality which goes something like this: "It's not my job to know what they're going to spend it on. It's my job to give. What they do with it is between them and God. If I get to heaven and Jesus says, 'John, why didn't you give me help when I asked you?', I'll respond by saying, 'I did help you. Why did you go spend it on blow?'"
Yup, that's my dad.
What I'm willing to do, instead, is give the person food or buy them what they need if I'm in a position to do so. The corner of I-95 and Park is a typical place for people to hang out and ask for money, especially because it's one of the longest stop-lights in Jacksonville, I'm convinced. I have rolled down my window, listened to their request, and told them no, "But would you like this half of a sandwich I didn't eat?" Sometimes I get a taker, other times they turn and walk away.
This past Wednesday evening, I was about to walk into a CVS when a young man approached me with a baby girl in a shopping cart. He started telling me his story and something about his baby daughter (who looked totally healthy), and when he finally said, "So if you could spare some change or cash..." I told him I didn't have any cash (which was true). He was about to walk away and I asked him what he needed for his daughter. He looked at me for a second, confused. "I won't give you cash, but I'm about to go into CVS and can buy what you need for her." Still looking a little dumbfounded he said, "Size 4 diapers, a drink, and a snack." Before I went in, I looked at him and almost demanded that he wait right there. "Oh, well my mom's car is right over there in the parking lot", he said. "No, you need to wait right here for your stuff." He agreed. s
The whole time I was in CVS, I kept worrying that this was going to be some big joke: I'd buy the stuff, walk outside, and he'd magically disappear. Thankfully, he was still there, and his mom was there too. They thanked me and I went on my way.
Now, I'm happy to help, and I'm glad that I had the opportunity to do so. But am I convinced that they were actually in need? No. It all seemed like a ploy. This man was wheeling this baby girl around the entire parking lot, going from person to person. It just seemed...whack, for lack of a better word. Oh well.
I just hate to think that I'm enabling someone. What do you think??
4 comments:
Well I think you helped them no matter which way you look at it. Believe me, if you have a baby, you always have a need for diapers. And I am sure you made him think a bit about what he was doing out there. And maybe restored for him a little self respect that someone cared enough to bother to think about it and not just toss money at it. You rock.
It is tough to read the true intent. I struggle with it a lot. Most of the time I don't have cash on me anyway, but when I do, I wonder if I am enabling bad behavior.
In the end, I'm like John. It's between them and God. I have to live my faith, not just contemplate it. Doesn't mean I have to give cash... offering to buy them something at CVS like you did was truly an act of Christ.
I'm very proud of you. Like Meghan said, your sincere act of kindness will stick with them and, if they are scamming, perhaps change their behavior.
You're the best.
Like the others, I don't think you have to worry about enabling people. Ultimately, it's their decision to make, not yours. If you don't feel right giving them cash, then don't, but don't feel guilty if you do either. You're a good person either way because you want to help. I do think that it's important that people--addicts, con artists, whoever--see that there are good people out there willing to lend a hand if they just ask for a little help. I think the best thing you can do is to set a good example for the people you encounter.
Meghan: That was my initial thought...he can't waste diapers! I'm for it!
Pete & kitkat: Thank you for your encouragement :)
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