To be honest I've been a little down lately, and I can't say why, exactly. At first, I thought it was because I'm coming off of some anti-depressant medication, but after more consideration, I don't think that's the reason. I've been coming off of it for almost a month now and I've felt completely "normal" (if there is such a thing, as my high school lit teacher would say) and great. Maybe it's the holidays...maybe it's the 2 week down-time from work...maybe it's my recent bouts with some soul-searching...unanswered questions, frustrating dreams, lack of routine outside of school. Yeah, I'll chalk it up to those things.
On another note, I've been meaning to write about our faculty Christmas party which was a couple of weeks ago. It was fabulous, and being around co-workers OUTSIDE of our 4 walls was refreshing and healing. We become more than our job titles. Our staff is composed of a wide range of age and ethnic groups which is enlightening on many levels. During the past year & a half at S.P. working within the African American culture, I've discovered how much more open they are in some ways. I can't really find a word to describe it, so I'll use a few: fun, accepting, brave, willful, succinct. In short, there's a lot less bullshit :) and you are accepted for who you are, where you came from. Your past is relevant in that it makes you who you are today, and not in the sense that it can be used against you. There's little shame or doubt and much more determination to do the best with what you've got. I think this has made or is making me a stronger person, someone who is more confident about how I've come to be who I am...and who I am becoming.
Now, I'm not trying to dog on white people, but it is different. I think white culture is so much more uptight, for lack of a better word. There's so much anxiety, expectation, guilt, disappointment, self-loathing. I'm not saying those things don't exist in African American culture, but it doesn't seem as prominent.
So what am I saying? I guess I'm saying I appreciate those aspects of their culture. It's helping me evolve.
2 comments:
Nice post! I know what you mean about feeling down. I've had a few days here and there when I feel like that and can't pin point why. Being home for the holidays makes me miss everyone and miss being near the beach. It makes me wish none of us had to work and we could just spend time together.
Regarding your cultural comments - good for you. Anything that helps us evolve is a good thing in my book. Love u.
I'd chalk your feelings up to the season, but then I remember that you're not really experiencing winter like the rest of the northern hemisphere :) Really, though, my moods are affected by the weather and the things that are going on around me. In other words, it might not be you alone who's causing your funk.
I definitely hear ya on the need for routine stuff. I need all kinds of routine right about now. A writing routine, a yoga routine, an other-exercise routine, a cleaning routine...you name it, I need a routine for it. Otherwise, I just don't get anything done and I feel like a bum. My advice to you and myself: make lists or somehow write stuff down. It helps alleviate the burden of having to remember stuff and it's the first step toward making a routine.
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