The past couple days at school have been much better than the disasters that characterized last week. We have tomorrow off, as well as Friday. I am excited to go home, visit my parents, visit my sister and new brother-in-law, eat great food, and meditate on all that has happened over the past 3 months or so.
I was talking to Lauren (my best friend from high school) last night on the phone. She teaches at an inner-city school in St. Louis. We both feel somewhat disheartened and discouraged. Teaching at these schools is odd---your moodswings are out of control; you feel determined one minute and hopeless the next; you feel obligated to be committed to these children but also want to abandon the situation; you feel like it is your responsibility to teach them EVERYTHING but then resent the homes from which they come for not providing "basic training" to function in life. It is an interesting dichotomy of extremes. I think I have yet to find a middleground, and perhaps there isn't one other than feeling nonplussed at times. No matter what, I think we are holding on to the hope that things will improve, even if it is for a class period. I begin to wonder: am I getting anything out of this? Are they getting anything out of this? Am I being selfish? Do I like the person I am becoming? Would I be happy without such a challenge?
2 comments:
I feel like these teaching positions are half-jobs and half-community service.
Your questions at the end of this post are so compelling and real...remind me of a lot of questions I asked myself in choosing to be a writer when I could be doing something more "productive" like helping to end poverty, caring for the sick or elderly, helping to educate inner-city school kids.
I would be interested in hearing your thoughts behind those quetions.
Hey April,
Thanks for your comments. I promise I'm getting back to you on this. Bed time for now :)
LOVE YOUuuuuuuuu!
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