When Your Days are Numbered....

...you tend to pay more attention to the little things, big things, and everything in between. This has at least been true for me as we've recently learned that we are being re-assigned to Biloxi, MS. By recently, I mean we received preliminary word at the beginning of July and official word on 7/18.

Since the preliminary news, my vigilance of experiences with people and places has heightened. This is good! I think I've been somewhat lolly gaggin' around, taking things for granted. I'm thankful for this opportunity to wake up :)

It's taken a good two years for me to take a liking to Northern Virginia. I met some amazing people within my first 6 months of being here, and since then have fostered what I know will be life-long friendships. Even with those initial bonds though, I didn't feel quite at home. It hit me while I was driving down a road I've driven daily: hey, I really like this place. It's beautiful and it's starting to feel like home. Fate would have it that shortly after that "a-ha moment", we'd be set on a path to move somewhere else.

So, I'm accounting for these precious experiences in our last few days in NoVa. Perhaps this is a lesson that each day, each moment should be treated with such care and gratitude.

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07 JUL 2012
Anthony and I spent the evening at April and Nick's. They prepared German food for dinner, and we ate heartily (as I imagine German people do, seeing as how the food is very, well, hearty). After dinner, April, once again, graciously invited me to help her put the kids** to bed. This ritual is so precious to me as I've been part of it off and on since Henry and Regan were infants. And here they are, 2.5yrs. old, getting almost too big to hold and sleeping in toddler beds vs. cribs. This is undeniably one of the things I will miss most about my time in Virginia. April's loving kindness as a mother, her tenderness in the most trying times, is something I love dearly about her. ::sniff::

If you want to know what the crap P. Swayze is doing here,
you'll have to watch the movie.

With the kids on their way to blissful sleep, we sat down to watch the 1989, philosophical-brimming classic, Roadhouse. If you have never seen this gem of a film, put it on your "To-Do" list.

The top 3 lessons I have learned from Roadhouse:
1. "Be nice." (until Dalton tells you it is time to not be nice)
2. "Take the biggest guy in the world, shatter his knee and he'll drop like a stone."
3. Carry your medical records around with you; it saves time.

Pooped. In short: German food is hearty, I miss April already, and Roadhouse.is.amazing.

**April and Nick have beautiful twins: a girl, Regan, and a boy, Henry. I've known them since they were infants. I've been to their 1yr. and 2yr. birthday parties. Without any kids of my own, April taught me a lot...well everything I currently know...about caring for little ones. Being the youngest in my family, I never had younger siblings to care for, so this was all new to me. One of our favorite memories of my child-care skills with H&R involves me putting a diaper on Henry backwards...and it staying in place. I have to take a few seconds and think twice before ever putting a child in a diaper :)

I'm re-working this blog layout...

...that is all.

Flowing

I'm welcoming myself back to Blogger after a month-long hiatus during which Anthony and I made a trip to Florida, had our wedding ceremony, and cruised to the Western Caribbean. All went well, and while I could go on and on about those events in more detail, that's not where my brain is right now. However, if I had to pick one thing to highlight from those events, it would be that Anthony and I were able to truly reconnect. Being out of our regular environment and away from cell phones, internet, etc. offered us some space and time to just be together. For that, I continue to be thankful. 

Speaking of re-connecting, it's great to be back and practicing yoga consistently. While it felt great to be "unplugged" from the world, it felt odd being away from the community at DMY, especially after spending a six-month weekend-intensive teacher training there. Some of us are continuing our training through a mentorship program which offers us an opportunity to dig deeper, to be more specific about our individual teaching styles and see where growth is possible. We have met twice so far, and I feel like I'm learning in leaps and bounds vs. baby steps (not that one is better than the other, but it's just different). But I think much of this has to do with being open and taking action: I was open to learning in teacher training, but the whole "taking action" part was something I did cautiously. I'm learning to just get out of my own way, and it's pretty nifty :) I'm excited to see how this shows up in other parts of my life, like painting and writing.

Ok. Time for bed.  

  

~Highlights~

Some of what I learned during yoga teacher training @ DMY:
-I tend to slouch in my shoulders which keeps my energy stuck in my  hips (it makes sense, I promise)
-I see and enjoy the advantages of meditating :)
-I love doing high to low push-ups
-My personal power is compacted in my core, and I've been afraid of it my whole life.
-I have a quasi-out-of-body experience when I tap into my power (and it is awesome!)
-I know what my "story" is and how it shows up in my life 1. I'm afraid 2. I'm not good enough 3. You don't get me.
-I can not only recognize this pattern, but I can choose to change it!
-As I become more authentic, my relationships & friendships shift.
-Breathing deliberately brings me into the present moment.
-Doing a vinyasa (flow) and breathing deliberately brings ease to my mind.
-I'm strong.
-There is joy in falling apart (mentally, physically, emotionally).
-I am connected to everyone and everything; there is no hierarchy.
-There is no separation between physical, mental, and spiritual health; all three affect me on a cellular level.
-I have formed lifelong bonds with these people because it is a bond based on truth.
-I feel more like myself, and I feel an awakening.
-I can trust my intuition.
-Feedback (constructive criticism) on a regular basis aids my growth.
-I tend to interchange perception for reality and/or intention for actuality.
-This is only the beginning.

Why Baptiste?

I've decided to share one of my reflection papers from yoga teacher training. While I've been having some internal conflicts about the cost of some of the programs and the general structure of Baptiste (from a training standpoint), it is where my roots are in yoga. And I adore the practice. I think the resistance that's been coming up is partially excuse-based. Anyhow, here's my messy paper :)  

It is only fitting that the practice of Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga was introduced to me through a friend. This speaks to the connection and community of this practice that appealed to me on various levels. This is significant because it parallels some of the basic principles of the practice. From all that I have read, learned, and practiced of this type of yoga, it is about strength through connection—  connection to the mind, body, and soul. Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga is built upon the five pillars of breath, upward lifting locks, gaze, heat, and vinyasa. These pillars foster strength within the mind, body, and soul by creating connection between the physical, mental, and spiritual realms of our being; and it is this strength and connection that opens the door to leading a more powerful life.

The philosophy, in brief:

Baron sums up his practice as “free style”.  It is based on a flow or vinyasa of 53 poses which creates the skeleton for a practice that is both unrestricted and dynamic. The flow of this practice allows for anyone to adapt it to the needs of his/her body instead of forcing the body to fit into the practice. But to ground this malleable flow are five, foundational pillars. Breath (ujjayi) is the most important; by coming into your breath, you come into your body. The link with the mind and soul through the present moment is then available. For every movement, there is a breath to keep the life force flowing through the practice. An upward lifting lock from the abdomen (uddiyana) creates core stabilization for all asanas. It channels the life force created through the breath and anchors it in strength from the core. Gaze (drishti), fixing your eyes upon one point, brings the mind from distraction to direction and keeps the body concentrated and balanced. This aids one to come from a place of Samadhi or neutral vision during the flow—dropping judgment, dropping the ego and seeing things as they are for what they are (seeing yourself where you are, for who you are). Another pillar is heat: the room is kept at a temperature of 90-95 degrees with 50% humidity. The heat is used to loosen and relax muscles; the sweat detoxifies and purifies the body; essential organs are rested; and a healing and re-birth occurs as layers of toxins are released from the body. Flow or vinyasa creates the fluid movement from one pose to the next. Baron describes this as “meditation in motion”. The flow brings you out of your mind and into your body, continuing to build heat and boost cardiovascular fitness. These pillars are fostered and fine-tuned over time to fit each person’s body and practice.

Why I chose to teach it:

I chose to teach Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga because it is relatable and applicable: this is connection. It brings yoga, a tradition that has evolved over thousands of years, into real people’s lives in a real and tangible way and in real time. Too often, other yoga practice traditions that I tried felt contrived or surrounded by this mysterious haze that only a select few could penetrate. The Baptiste practice is accessible; it takes this age-old, beautiful tradition of yoga and puts it into the vernacular of contemporary society. This does not discredit the value of other yogic traditions, for each has its time, place, and value. However, as a teacher, I feel it is important to be able to readily connect with students through language and experiences so that they can make a connection within themselves. To me, the connection that this practice offers umbrellas all elements involved: the five pillars, the mind-body-spirit, the community, the strength (physical-mental-spiritual). And through connection, I am able to serve, to become a better human being, and to see the light in others.

Another reason I chose to teach this practice is because it presents a basic truth: you have to show up and do the work. This practice is not about what you look like, sound like, or act like; it’s about showing up on your mat and doing the work, being accountable. This simple concept seems somewhat foreign in a society inundated with zero personal accountability and promises of quick fixes, especially when it concerns physical health. When I left the studio after the first time I ever tried Baptiste power yoga, I remember thinking, “I have never sweat so much in my life, and I used every part of my body. What an awesome workout!” However, I soon found that this practice goes far beyond physical transformation. It is common for people to start this practice because of the physical benefits; but for me, shortly after beginning, I realized that any physical “progress” or journey is directly connected to the health of my mind and soul.

This practice brings awareness to the triad of health, again in a very tangible and realistic way. The flow opens up avenues for realization of what seems automatic and commonplace. For example, the breath: throughout the day, it is something the body does automatically, like blinking. Certainly, we can consciously hold our breath or keep our eyes closed, but for the most part, it is practiced without true consciousness. When doing a vinyasa, however, the breath is deliberate. As the body moves and heat is built, you can start to notice how the breath is affected.  Is it short? Shallow? Deep? Forced? Frantic? etc. From here, awareness is brought not only to the breath and body but to the mind—how the mind reacts to certain poses or even to the feeling of the breath being shortened or lengthened, or what the mind tells us we cannot do even though the body is fully, physically capable, or how the spirit and intuition fair with the ego. For me, this simple focus on the breath has brought awareness to my thought patterns and how those patterns surface in my life when I am off of my mat. It has brought awareness to my body and how it reacts to those thought patterns from noticing physical tension to observing my food intake and its effect on how I am feeling emotionally, spiritually. Awareness of why I may be feeling or reacting a certain way makes it less daunting and brings me into the present moment.              

Through this awareness comes transformation: transformation, not through force, but through what Baron describes as peeling away the layers of an onion; in other words, being in the process. This is another reason why I chose to teach this practice. It is moment-to-moment, process-oriented transformation rather than rigid and destination-focused at some unknown point in the future (which doesn’t exist). The practice changes with you and vice versa. There is a freedom in this that is not offered in other routines that count reps, weights, pounds, etc.; for these routines are under the notion that you never quite “get there” which makes it easy for stagnation to set in physically, mentally, and spiritually. It is based on limits/limiting beliefs whereas Baptiste power yoga is based on limitless possibilities. You are not confined; you simply show up as yourself, and the transformation has already begun. It moves one from mindlessness to mindful/purposeful movement of the body, taking you out of your egoist mind and into your body. Through connection, truth, and awareness, transformation­—unique to each person—is possible.

That umbrella of connection to the self through truth, awareness and transformation is, in turn, what brings acceptance of what is. It strips away the “should haves” and “what ifs” and incessant worry by bringing me face-to-face with myself in the present moment. From here, I am able to have true, authentic interactions from a place of acceptance rather than resistance. By accepting what “is” in myself or my own life, I am able to accept what “is” in others; I am able to connect. Baptiste yoga brings me from reaching without for answers to embracing what is within. It is my intention to share this by being a channel through which this practice can be made accessible. It is my intention to serve so that connection can be fostered.        

  

Power of the Group

I went to the 6am practice this morning at DMY. I'm not a morning person, per say, and I still can't decide if that trait is genetic or an actual, conscious choice. However, I think the days of working 5am-9am at Borders cured me of my beef with waking up anytime before 6:30 in the morning. When it comes to practicing, more than half of the effort is just showing up on the mat. There were about 10-15 people @ the studio this morning, and it was a toasty 100 degrees in there :)

I've done many home practices over the years, some with one other person and others just by myself; but it isn't the same as being with a group of people. It's not really even about being at a studio to practice; it's the energy of being around others, being able to hear each other's breath. It helps me to become more present. I recently finished reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. In talking about the group and presence, he writes,

Group work can also be helpful for intensifying the light of your presence. A group of people coming together in a state of presence generates a collective energy field of great intensity. It not only raises the degree of presence of each member of the group but also helps to free the collective human consciousness from its current state of mind dominance. This will make the state of presence increasingly more accessible to individuals...

He goes on to explain that even though the group is powerful, one shouldn't become dependent upon the group or on a "master" teacher for this connection; for you are then identifying with form from without vs. true presence within. This makes perfect, intellectual sense to me. But I still prefer practicing with a group to going through a flow on my own because it's more enjoyable, energizing, juicy. It's harder (or I make it harder) for me to stay focused, be in my body instead of my mind, stay accountable, etc. when it's just me. Why is that? This is something worth exploring. Too often, I use the lack of power of the group as an excuse as to why I'm not doing something be it yoga or painting, to name a couple. I'm noticing where else this shows up in my life; while it's  okay to want to be around others during these activities, I don't want to use it as a crutch. Hmm...

   

  

I've missed you, Knees and Toes.

I look at the left-hand side of Simply Kate's blog to see that I haven't updated mine in approximately two months. I cringe at seeing this. It feels like another commitment broken (well, it is). Certainly, a lot has been going on since the last entry, but the fact is that I don't make the time and/or trust my intuition when it comes to posting an entry. I have at least 4 drafts from December that I never published. What am I waiting for? I miss writing just for the hell of it, even if it's messy and uninteresting. I have a list of things I wish I'd been sharing over the past 2 months, but I only see the point in picking up with what's actually going on right now.

I just finished one of my last papers for yoga teacher training on Baptiste Power Vinyasa Yoga philosophy and why I chose to teach it. I was making it difficult at first, but then I decided to just write from my heart. I'm such a Type A writer; everything has to sound, look, and flow perfectly. It is rare that I write something and leave it as is. This must come from my 2yrs. as a writing tutor. And I'm certain this is why I have 4, unpublished drafts on queue.

I also spent 10 minutes taking Anthony through a guided meditation this evening. It truly made my day to share that with him. I took a meditation workshop back in December, but this was my first time ever taking someone through a short meditation. My teacher, Sri, works with a foundation called The Art of Living. This is one of the best ways I've seen meditation explained...go here. (It's fun to watch, I promise.) Sri describes meditation as the art of doing nothing. For me, this blew past the mystique surrounding the practice, and I'm eager to learn more, share more about it with Anthony (and anyone else interested). Have you ever tried meditating?

I'm tired, so that's all for now.


 

Next?

Sam seems to like the new art table as much as I do.

Saturday was my last day at a job I started as a summer-hire. At that time, it was my intention to serve my allotted term in that position and then move on. However, I stayed past my end-date for many reasons, but none of those reasons included a true desire to really grow in banking. While I could see myself doing well in banking, particularly as a relationship banker, I lacked the true motivation for it.

I feel, a little bit, like I'm at a standstill. What I mean is, up until this point, I've had a pretty good idea about what I want to be doing when it comes to work. Through the process of yoga teacher training and leaving my most recent job, I've realized that there are two things I know for sure: 1. I love helping people, and 2. I love creating. Right now, I feel like I don't know anything beyond those two things. The question, "What do I really want to do?" remains open-ended.

I decided to stop making excuses around most of my art stuff being in Florida (by stuff I mean art table, easel, etc.) and bought a table and stool to set up for painting. 2 minutes after setting that up, Sam went and laid down beneath it :) I think that's a good sign.

I know I'd like to explore doing postcard-sized art; I'm not entirely sure why, but that idea has been with me for some time now. I also have a couple of projects to work on for Anthony before he gets home (39days!), but I can't write about it yet as it would ruin the surprise.

"Sammy's so confused, he doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt."-Steel Magnolias 

Photos from Holmes Run Trail

 This is the first time I've experienced a northern autumn. The trees' leaves actually change colors with shocks of oranges, reds, golden yellows, and browns. It seems to happen overnight, but it takes all year. While the colors and changes are very beautiful, I miss Florida's faux fall as it is very simple---it's either green or brown outside, or maybe a little taste of both.

In many ways with fall up here, there is so much drama: the colors, the leaves falling, the raking, county-wide leaf collection dates, more leaves dropping, more raking, more leaf vacuuming (yes, they actually do leaf collection via vacuum). The most joy I get from this time of year (so far) is Sam's reaction to the leaves being swept along by the wind. Every moving leaf is a toy to her, and the minute she has her paws on one leaf, she moves on to the next. Oh, and she likes to eat them too. So I have my personal leaf vacuum to clean the patio deck.

Despite the drama, I can't deny its beauty or its concrete reminder of the passage of time, the need to shed and made room for new growth. Anthony and I run these trails together, but by the time he gets home, all the crunchy leaves will be replaced by slushy snow.    

 How do you feel about fall?

Smells like comics...and the 5th of November

My experience with comic book stores is that they are the same right down to the smell. They're small, crowded (with comics, not people), narrow, musty, carpeted with a drippy, dated window air units, impossibly tall shelves, and just, well, old. While I can't say they are my favorite place to go, they do bring back fond memories of the 4th floor of the UNF Library, pre-new addition/new construction. It was a massive floor devoted to every book you could think of, and I always purposefully got lost amongst the art books. I'd go in looking to take 1 or 2 and end up leaving with at least 7.

Anyways...Not too far down the road from Anthony's Restaurant is a place called Hole in the Wall Books (and Comics). Anthony enjoys comic books, but I'm thankful he isn't so fanatical that we have bookcase upon bookcase devoted to holding preciously packaged back issues. But that might just be because we only have one bookcase...I'm not sure :) I'll take Anthony here after the holidays, see what it's like, see what he thinks. I didn't really grow up reading comic books and consequently didn't really grow attached to a specific superhero, anti-hero, etc. I remember my cousins having comic books and a few in particular being anal about keeping them covered in plastic. As a kid, I remember thinking that was silly. Why have it if you can't really use it or touch it or enjoy it? Besides, I got too caught up in the pictures to really read the text or understand the characters.

The superhero movies are fun---Superman, Batman, Spiderman, X-Men---but I never felt anything deeper than the surface satisfaction that a good action film/hero story fulfills. V for Vendetta, however, is different. While my dad hold's the world record for watching that film over and over and over again (to the point of  nauseating my mom), I have also watched it many times. And I can thank my dad for introducing me to it. Even after seeing it several times, I find the concept refreshing. A "super-hero" (a little more realistic than the flying, batty ones) who actually holds people accountable and enacts justice? Cool. Sure, there are moral issues that come into question---like the glaring one, that violence is one of the only ways to enact justice---but ultimately, I think V is the best comic book hero because he stands for truth (oxymoron, I know---truth from a masked man), justice, progress, and in short, no bullshit. As a kid, I remember getting so annoyed with  movies that showed the conflict between good and evil. The "good" would always try to give the "evil" a second and third and fourth chance by being compassionate, and he/she/it would always get screwed over and then end up being upset for faltering. V offers compassion for what is right and non-tolerance for what is not....pretty harsh but pretty powerful and kind of relieving. Besides, who doesn't feel like we're living somewhat in the corrupt, futuristic UK depicted in the film?

I digress. Anthony, get ready for Hole in the Wall :)

Anthony's Restaurant

I pass 309 W. Broad Street on my way to yoga everyday. Located here is a place called Anthony's Restaurant. Yes, the name reminds me of my husband and the fact that they serve Italian food helps as well; but this place is packed every evening, which is normally a good sign. It looks like a little mom-and-pops type of place, and once Anthony gets home, we are checkin' it out! Maybe they'll give us a discount...probably not. 

To the left is page 2 of their menu (I like the little graphics). If you want to see their complete menu, go here.

Unfortunately, I don't see chicken alfredo on this menu, and that's one of Anthony's favorite meals. He's not crazy about tomatoes, tomato sauce, cheeses, olives, and many other Italian-esque things, yet he calls himself Italian :) I'm not a huge fan of alfredo sauce, but one of my favorite memories of Anthony revolves around that meal. During one of his first times eating with my family, he made my parents shrimp alfredo for dinner. He finished it off with cherry pie (my dad's favorite) and a scoop of ice cream. So sweet (Anthony, not the pie). No one had ever cooked dinner for my parents before; needless to say, I was wooed.

So, Anthony, be prepared to eat at this place when you return! Besides, I'm tired of driving by and smelling the yummy-ness without trying it.

Stillness

I just returned from a long walk with Sam. Fall is starting to show her face little by little. There are clusters of crunchy, brown leaves on the ground, and the weather is cooler. Sam thinks every tumbling leaf is something to be pounced upon. The experience of going through seasons is foreign to me; I'm looking forward to watching the earth change (and the cooler air), but I think after a week or two, I'll want the warmth back (right, Anthony?). By the time Anthony gets back, we'll be in the dead of winter; and after being in 100(+) degree weather for 6 months, I'm sure he'll appreciate the change (eh-hem, right, Anthony?). I have a feeling we'll balance each other out.

I'm trying to make a point to take my camera with me on a regular basis so that as I see things or places or whatever, I'm able to record and share. Here are a couple of shots from the same viewpoint on the bridge that leads to the trails.

 There were so many reflections of light happening simultaneously, and it created these interesting segments and lines in the light reflecting off of the water. It's a little hard to see here since you can also see the reflection of the trees.

In yoga, they say that with a still mind, you are able to reflect on the truth within much like when a body of water has stillness, it reflects its surroundings. Coming upon this on our walk today reminded me of that.  

Yoga teacher-training is this weekend (Friday, Saturday, Sunday). It's good, but I'm tired :) I cannot wait for Anthony to get home and come to the studio with me to practice. I think it will be such an amazing thing to share together. He seems to be a little worried about "doing it wrong", but as Kristyn says, "It's yoga practice, not yoga perfect." Silly but true. I needed that reminder today.

Seed-Bearing

After researching different types of "tree fruit", I discovered what this thing is. I also ended up taking the whole thing apart to see if it had a nut/seed inside; it didn't. Just lots of fluff and wispy strands with tiny seeds at the base. It belongs to a Sycamore tree. In general, I have a thing for trees and anything that comes from them. I've been finding these (Sam too) all over the ground. Sam likes to paw at them and then proudly carry them around in her mouth during our walks. Maybe she likes the prickly sensation; who knows.

 Anytime I see something like this, aside from being awed by nature's process, I think about the movie, The Fountain. Anthony introduced me to that movie almost a year ago, and I've been in love with it ever since. It's a beautiful story about life (physical/spiritual), love, and what we perceive death and eternal life to be. Perfectly enough, a tree is central to the story, a tree that represents the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden. The Queen of Spain sends a conquistador to find this tree and drink the sap/milk from the tree in order to obtain eternal life for her and her country. He succeeds in doing this, but he gains eternal life by becoming part of the tree. Moments after greedily drinking the sap, he begins to grow leaves and tree limbs from his body until it completely consumes him and he becomes part of the earth near the root-base of the Tree of Life. His human form ceases to exist.

Parallel to this story is that of a doctor obsessed with finding the cure for his ailing wife. This mission consumes him so much that he loses prescious time with Izzy who is open and accepting of her fate. At one point, she takes a seed from a tree and plants it. There's a lot more to the story, but after she passes, her husband takes a seed (similar to the sycamore ones that keep showing up) and uses his hands to dig a hole in the snowy earth to plant it.

I'm losing steam with this post because I can't really explain all of the amazing symbolism and messages in this film, but regardless, finding those seeds make me think of my husband and the amazing process that is life. 

Coca-Cola Classic

One of the things Anthony left behind in the refrigerator is half a case of Coca-Cola Classic. When we first started dating, the man would drink 2-3 cans of soda per night (which made me cringe a little). After all, I grew up on diet everything: diet coke, pepsi, sprite, root bear, ginger ale, cream soda, etc. Therefore, regular soft drinks and the like are unfavorable and make me feel more thirsty than before. 

Anthony always buys Coca-Cola Classic cans, and he always drinks it cold,  either straight from the can or over ice in a tall glass. It's become habit for me to steal a sip (well, maybe 2 sips) from his soda while eating dinner together or watching Jeopardy. And over time, I started liking the taste of regular Coke but never enough to open and finish my own can....until recently.

...hopefully, the answer to the origin of this floating hand

Since Anthony has been gone, I've managed to finish off the half-case that was in the fridge. I'm drinking the last one as a type. I enjoy the taste, but I think I have drunk them more for nostalgic purposes than anything else. Yes, only recently have I created memories around this age-old drink, but those memories are precious to me. Since moving up here, Anthony has also ingrained in me his rinse-out-the-can-before-throwing-it-in-the-trash tradition in order to prevent ants; he tells me this is a Florida thing, but I grew up in Florida too and we never did this. Then again, we always had diet drinks.

Purpose

It's no secret that I haven't been particularly motivated to update my blog. But thanks to my friend, April, I have a fresh perspective on how to use my blog over the next few months. As most of you know, Anthony is on deployment. As of tomorrow, we are halfway through! There are thousands of things, moments, experiences, thoughts, feelings, etc. that make me think of my husband...aside from the general Anthony-is-always-on-my-mind stuff which is a given. So, I'm choosing to bring attention/awareness to these instances through the act of writing about them here.  I feel that it's important to bring specific attention to this so that 1. I don't explode with emotion & thoughts, 2. I have a way, other than Skype, to communicate daily happenings, and 3. it's a positive shift in focus, to do something productive with the "I miss him so much!" feelings.

I'm hoping that the last three mos. move along faster than the first three. I'm hoping it's like the school year: the fall drags and the spring flies.

Read if you like.

Love to all.

 

Race to the Flop

While sitting in traffic the other morning, I heard a brief story on NPR about one of Obama's education-reform tactics called "Race to the Top Fund" (I'm calling it RTF for short). States can apply for funds from this program if they are showing aggressive reform in four, main areas which you can read about here under "Program Description" towards the bottom of the page. Seems a bit generic to me. Aside from being difficult to navigate, the website is lacking clear and helpful information that simply maps out the who, what, where, when, why and how of RTF. The application is 103 pages long and must be verified by the governor of the applying state.

From what I can gather, this program is heavily based on gains: percentage increases in student performance, at-risk students/schools making significant improvement, standards-based assessments that measure student success, highly effective teachers and principals who create/implement/encourage these gains, etc. There is no mention of community, family, parent, or guardian involvement which, from my experience, is the pressing issue. Without this involvement, your attempts to have a massive body of students achieve "success" (however the govt. describes it) are futile. I think the majority of the community must be invested in the education of its children in order for the students to do so. We are still so segregated...it is typical for middle and upper-middle class, white children to be more proficient than African-American children. Drive around your city; it's easy to see. And speaking of segregation, I would like to know who decided to name this program "Race to the Top". Sure, they mean race as in speed; but considering the reality of the public school system + it's racial divide, it's such an unfortunate word to use in this circumstance. Dumb, dumb, dumb.


It is infuriating to hear about programs like RTF because the steps that schools are expected to take in order to apply lead to a dead end. The heavy focus on percentages of "standards-based curriculum" and "standards-based assessments" is insignificant when the curriculum and assessment processes are flawed. For example, a low-achieving school could, in the eyes of the government, meet their Adequate Yearly Progress numbers while more than half of the students may still be deficient in the subject areas for which they were tested. Let's say the number of students reading on-level at Lion Elementary is 15%. In order for Lion to meet AYP, they must show a 20% increase in students reading on-level which means the other 65% of the students remain deficient. Just because a school goes from an "F" to an "A" doesn't mean that all of the students magically caught up with everyone else in the district/state. Sure, there's progress; but this emphasis on scores (and how those tests are scored/who actually scores them is a whole other issue that I won't discuss now) is deceiving. It crops out so many other contributing factors that could aid student achievement.  The government is taking the place of the family because govt. doesn't know how to repair what is so severely damaged. In turn, teachers, principals, numbers, scores, and the like are held responsible for measuring very limited definitions of things like growth and progress. They are hypnotized by these lines of numbers and scores (which now equal dollar signs), failing to see that the answer and their biggest ally lies beyond the schoolyard fence.

Corporate Novelty

Last Monday, I began training for a teller job with Capital One and so far, I am pretty impressed. I'm accustomed to the field of education where there is never enough money spent where it is needed and higher-ups shrug and say, "Oh well. Work with what you've got." I've never been drawn to the business field, but Capital One may be changing my mind. Sure, they spoiled us at orientation with complimentary coffee, tea, and breakfast followed by gourmet sandwiches for lunch. But beyond that, our facilitators seemed genuinely excited to have us join the "team". There's more of a horizontal mentality at Capital One when it comes to their infrastructure; very little emphasis is placed on job titles/positions/hierarchy.

The job I'll be doing is a temporary, summer position that could become permanent. It has been my experience that when you're a temp., you're seen as disposable and pegged for grunt work. However, our facilitators took the time to explain the importance of our position/role and why it was created. Excuse the cheesiness, but they really do use their resources to invest in their people as they want to ensure that you're successful; they encourage you to explore all avenues available and build your own career path within the company. I know: it's a business. They spend money to make money. They're corporate. But it seems like one of few companies that understands...happy employees are more productive :)

Lighten Up

I'm into my 3rd week of being employed again and for the most part, I don't have many complaints...except for one. Now, it has been quite a few years since I worked retail; but I haven't forgotten that some people can be rude and difficult "just because" while others can be delightful and understanding. In the past, this would normally refer to the demeanor of the customers; however, I'm finding that while most of the people at work are pleasant, they aren't necessarily nice, friendly, or incredibly helpful...well, at least this is so for the team with which I usually work. The 5am-9am shift is interesting for me because (1) I am not a morning person and generally dislike needing to be out of the house before 7am and (2) I spend most/all of the shift working alone. I don't expect to be talking about our life stories with each other, but a little bit of conversation while working tends to lighten the mood, especially that early in the morning.  I feel foolish even writing about this as it is only part-time work, but the anti-social-ness bothers me since I am still training.

My most interesting customer so far:
A woman who looked very young for her age (she told me she was 78 but looked like she was in her late 50s) told me not to tell anyone that she grows a garden in her house. She whispered this to me across the register counter as I was ringing up her items.

Entitlement

Over the past year or so, I've become very aware of my "stuff" and how much of it I have. This ranges from tangible to intangible, but for now, I'm mostly talking about the concrete stuff. The more stuff I have, the more weighed down I feel. For example, whenever I'm getting ready to move, I try to consolidate what I absolutely need to keep and sell the rest or give it away. Having to move tons of furniture and whatnot from point A to point B feels like such a chore to me. Most of my large belongings were acquired through Craig's List or thrift stores; maybe this makes it easier to not be so attached or have so much stock placed in certain items. They have a purpose for a time and place and then they're passed on via sale or donation. I'm not sure if this is economically savvy money-wise, but I'd like to believe that it's better, in general, to get something used vs. buying it new for the sake of using the crap out of raw materials vs. disposing them.

I don't want to turn this into a post focused on how wasteful we are as consumers and how we all need to "go green", recycle, etc. More so, I find it curious how being able to waste is almost part of our standard of living. I can't speak for the world, but for the U.S., there is a mentality that it is our right to have anything we want in whatever quantity we desire, and we'll be damned if we go to the store and the item we need is out of stock or we don't have the 50+ color options in lipstick, furniture, paint, etc. I'm not saying we should all wear the same clothes or have the same stuff OR that everything should be rationed out (hello, communism. in a utopia, you would work). But I do think we have a responsibility to be aware of and act as necessary when it comes to "stuff": buying it, disposing of it, saving it, our attachments to it, passing it on... 

This mindset has changed my point-of-view on a few things including books/movies and food/health. I enjoy owning books (especially art books for reference), but over the past year or so, I've been more inclined to just borrow a book from the library (unless I really need to write all over it). Too often, my bookshelves became dust magnets, outlined by the book spines that moved maybe three times per year. With food, I think the simpler, the better. I feel lighter, healthier when my foods have as little preservatives or fillers as possible. However, I have a hard time resisting cupcakes.

I'm not sure I have a point other than how important I think it is to simplify. See Domestic Kate for another perspective on simplicity.

In short, to me, less stuff = simplifying = less attachment to inanimate objects = more brain space = a greater ability to live in the moment.

Jennah-Shoes

Jennah-shoes are the $3.50 rubber flip flops available @ Old Navy (or 2 for $5.00 if you feel thrifty & want more than one color). I call them this because my dear friend, Jennah, wears a pair of these religiously. She and I have never discussed this, but I admire her ability to wear her blue or pink pair of rubber flops with any outfit and make it work. I recently purchased a silver pair just to bum around in since I don't have the stylish capabilities of Jennah + her shoes :)

I met Jennah while teaching; she was one of the kindergarten teachers. After our first time hanging out off campus, we became friends pretty quickly. It also helped that we only lived a few blocks away from each other. I think our bond was sealed when I went through this ordeal... Jennah was the one to help me lug the couch out of the house after a lot of my screaming and freaking out. Our friendship especially progressed when she introduced me to yoga at M Body which led to our joint-participation in their 40 Day program. Besides that, our dogs are boyfriend and girlfriend since they haven known each other since their puppy days. No, really. If either of them hears the others name, they get incredibly excited and start whining or barking.

This weekend, Jennah will be in DC for her friend's bachelorette party. I'm thrilled that I'll be able to steal some of her time. Ever wish you could take people with you, wherever you go?