Turn and face the strange ch-ch-changes

Too much has happened in the past 11 days to record in full, so I'll summarize.

1. My grampa passed away on Christmas Eve. This is something my family has been expecting since his health began to really decline a couple months ago. Still, I'm not sure one can ever be prepared for it. My dad got the call from my Uncle Charles, and I knew by my dad's demeanor what the call was about. It was the second time in my life that I have seen my dad cry; the first time was on 9/11. These brief tears were followed by hugs and memories.

It's difficult to sum up my memories/thoughts/views about Grampa, but predominantly, I remember him as someone who viewed (and lived) life as an aesthetic experience: the love for his wife, family, golf, other people, music, painting, ice cream/sweets, humor...even shooting squirrels with a slingshot :) Below are only a few examples...

-I remember sitting across from him at the kitchen table in NC eating cereal one morning. I was maybe 7 or 8 years old. We sat in silence for a while as I ate, and then he told me I had such beautiful, big brown eyes and that he was happy I had brown eyes.

-I remember numerous times that he would have Gramma put on one of his favorite CDs, turn it up loud, and just marvel aloud at how gorgeous the sounds were; how it just touched his soul. He let everyone know it too; I loved that about him.

-I remember him always being more excited about dessert than dinner, and that ice cream always had to be in a cone. I remember the way he would shuffle his slipper-ed feet to his bedroom and tell us, "Well, I'm off the radar screen".

-I remember the way he looked and Gramma, told her he loved her and all of her idiosyncrasies.
-I remember the last time I saw him---it was at Katie and Brian's for Luke's birthday. He ate none of the meal other than the cake and ice cream (of course). He asked me to get him a second helping. Gramma and I teased him as he gobbled down every last bit of it.

I love him and will miss him terribly.

2) I got back to Jacksonville on Saturday to be greeted by some odd, foul smell in the house. I awoke Sunday morning to find fresh rat droppings throughout each room along with muddy prints all over the blinds, bookcases, window sills, and a couple inches of wood chewed off the ledges (plus an even more potent, unpleasant smell). Awesome. Our landlord is refusing to set traps because he "doesn't have time" and assures us that it is probably only one rat and that poison will do the trick (eh-hem, so that more of them can die beneath the house and emit righteous smells). He also refused to plug the hole from where they came. In the meantime, Megan and I are trying to decide what to do about the mess and what to do with our urine-ified/poop-ified furniture. We called the Dept. of Health.

3) The new year will begin shortly. Does anyone really keep their New Year's resolutions? I'm still trying to think of my own.

Happy 2008, everyone. Love to all.

A "Me, me me" entry

Well, I received this email today from the Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville. I mentioned in this previous post that I had entered some work. The results are in:

Dear First Coast Portfolio Applicant,
We are happy to inform you that one or more of your pieces were selected for inclusion in First Coast Portfolio: A Juried Art Educators Exhibition. You will be receiving a letter shortly detailing the next step in the process. Congratulations, and we look forward to seeing the selected works in person in January.

Happy Holidays,

Ben Thompson

BEN THOMPSON

Registrar

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART | JACKSONVILLE
333 North Laura Street : : Jacksonville, FL 32202
(904) 366-6911 ext 206 : : (904) 366-6901 fax
www.mocajacksonville.org

This is very exciting! It is a gorgeous space and it will be great exposure. Maybe I can actually sell a flippin' painting or two.

In the meantime, my grad-school applications are plugging along. Did I mention I still have some pieces to finish before my portfolio is complete? Apparently, I'm really good at counting to 20. Needless to say, I am feeling a little stressed. I do have some new paintings though that I feel pretty good about.

Reality Check

As of 3:10pm Friday, my Christmas break began. That last week of school before the break was interesting; I know the students were as excited as I was for the 2 week siesta which showed in their behavior.

I had a little reality check the week before last thanks to one of my first grade students. Let me first say I admit to making empty statements like, "Maybe you can finish it next week" or "We should have time"; I say this toward the end of class when students become concerned that they haven't gotten everything done for two reasons: 1. to get them out the door before the next group comes in and 2. because art is a process, not a product (hard to explain to kids). Their project this week was in relation to their book of the month which required them to do a little bit of drawing and a little writing to go with it. It is normal that the students do not complete the projects because we only have 40 minutes together. It is also normal for one of the first graders, we'll call her "V", to be stubborn about stopping when it is time to go.

The end of the period approached, so I had them finish what they could and line-up. As usual, everyone but V did so. She kept refusing to line up or to stop working as their teacher came to pick them up. After the other students left, I approached her to ask what was the matter; she was being particularly stubborn. With tears welling up, V explained that she never got to finish any of her work. I told her she was more than welcome to take it home and finish there. Getting more frustrated with more tears, she looked at me and said, "I can't do it at home. No one will help me. My parents work all the time at night and they promise to help me with things but they never do." Taken aback by her blunt honesty, I apologized and with some coaxing, she agreed to let me help her complete the writing part right then and there. She also told me that someone had stolen her crayons from her desk and wanted to be able to color the drawing. By the end of the day, I dropped off a box of crayons for her to take home.

Lord knows how many other students are in the same predicament as V: little or no attention at home. I would bet that the majority of students have that issue which, needless to say, saddens me. I wish that I could give more individual attention to my kids, and I am going to try harder to do so. I also now realize the impact that my empty promises/statements can have, and I need to be more sensitive to their needs. This job is so flippin' hard. I want to be able to save everyone....naive, I know.

Anyways, I am looking forward to the time off and I am hoping and praying that I can make it through the spring semester. I am eager to see my family, immediate and extended.

Block

It's official: I'm having artist's block. Over the months, I have been sketching and drawing here and there, but I haven't sat down to do some real intensive art-making. I think I'm all stopped up from what's happened over the past few months with school. I'm not sure if I can pick up where I left off....and if I'm to start something "new", what will it be? These blocks make me feel like a part of me is dead; on the other hand, they make me feel great because there is no equivalent to the emotion you get when you break through the funk. Until that happens, I will feel the former.

Our Team-Up Coordinator told me about an art book sale that Books-A-Million was having. I went to check it out yesterday, and sure enough there were large collections of books for $5. They also had some Eric Carle (who is my hero) books which I picked up, more for myself than for the kids, I think. Definitely a purchase for myself was Raymond Briggs's The Snowman. Does anyone else remember this story? It was also made into a short film which is on youTube right here. Oh, childhood memories.

Here's to 5 days this week and then a break.

Toppers & Billy Blanks

My top 3 for the week...

1. One 2nd grade student got angry at another, so he sliced her in the lip with scissors.

2. I called the office to remove a 1st grade student who was saying profane things and being disruptive, and they never sent anyone to get him.

3. Today, I submitted 5 entries to the Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville for the First Coast Educator's Exhibition. Being able to show at MOCA-J would be amazing!!

oh, and I guess I'll add one more...a positive one.

4. Two of my 3rd graders came in yesterday and this morning to ask if they could have hugs.

I would like to give a shout out to Billy Blanks for creating the masterpiece that is Taebo. I can't say that I have ever tried Taebo. However, if it weren't for the VHS tape of his routine, my Wednesday afternoon would have been hellish. Every other Wednesday, we have what's called WOW which is an acronym for Wild on Wednesday (I hope you're laughing at this atrocity). During WOW, certain grade level teachers have professional development sessions, and it is the resource teachers' job to basically watch the grade level teachers' students for 2 hours. Wild on Wednesday for resource classes, I guess. Anyways, our amazingly wonderful P.E. coach gave Ms. K, Ms. S. and I a break by keeping all the kids in the multi-purpose room. He rolled out the big screen T.V. and put in a Taebo routine for the kids to do. I couldn't help but laugh as the routine went on and the kids started getting tired. They have so much energy to burn, especially because they don't have recess. And I must say that is the first time I have seen that many students not only in one room together, but actually cooperating and having fun without fighting. So, thank you Billy Blanks...and Coach S of course for the stellar idea.

More tomorrow...happy Friday to all :)

Help

What a difference it makes having two people conducting art class. As mentioned in the previous post, Silvia is here the entire week from the Cummer Museum conducting her own art projects for every class. This way, I can keep my eye on students who aren't paying attention, and she can get through the lesson. I wish, so badly, that she or another qualified, full-time person could assist me or vice versa on a regular basis. Needless to say, I am enjoying this while it lasts. The kids are responding really well to her activities and I think they are excited about their field trip in the spring.

I think I have developed a mini-addiction to caffeine; I've started to get headaches in the afternoon when I haven't had my coffee in the morning. I suppose it runs in our family though (Laura, I partially blame you for buying that delicious coffee when you visited a couple months ago. "And that's what really grinds my gears!").

Timing

Well, I have finally decided to re-apply for graduate school. Leave it to me to make last minute decisions that involve deadlines. The running list in my head of schools to which I am going to apply are as follows:
-UNC Greensboro
-UGA
-UF
-The Art Institute of Chicago (it's a long shot, but why not?)
-an international art academy in Italy

Lofty ambitions? We'll see. I'm not too worried about reaching deadlines because I have my images, artist statement, resume, etc. all ready to go. Other than filling out applications, this weekend was amazingly non-productive.

A representative from the Cummer Museum of Art and Gardens will be conducting the first of two outreaches at our school this week....which means that she is teaching the lesson while I play art-helper. It'll be nice, for a change. This outreach visit is part of a foundation through the Cummer that has been funded by the Weavers of Jacksonville (owners of the Jacksonville Jaguars). They selected about 9 schools in Duval County to participate in this program which involves field trips for the entire school---the Weavers pay for the trips, the buses, free family passes for all students, the outreach visits, art supplies, and the list goes on. Pretty amazing!! It excites me that members of our community consider the visual arts important enough to implement a foundation like this. They could have donated the money to so many other organizations.

So I don't forget, I have been brainstorming ideas for a graffiti project for the kids. Our school has sidewalks galore; so my thought is to designate two students to each square upon which they will draw their own tags of their names in colored chalk. I'm thinking about doing this at the beginning of the semester in January to kick things off.

10 more school days until Christmas break. I'm ready for it.

Toppers

My top 3 for the week...

1. One of my Kindergartners gave me a drawing she did; she used markers on purple paper. The next day, one of my 2nd graders came to me in the morning and told me he'd like to show me a drawing he's been working on at home.

2. Another Kindergartner grabbed the principal's butt this week.

3. A faculty member asked me if he spelled "Christmas" correctly; he had spelled it as "C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-x".

And now I'm going to bed. Here's to the weekend!

List

Today has been full of a few revelations, some new, some revised. They are as follows:

1. Apparently, our school is in the 5th yr. of some 4yr. improvement plan for FCAT scores and whatnot. If things do not improve as of the end of this school year, the school will be re-vamped. In other words, every teacher will have to re-apply for his/her job. So I hear.

2. You can pump as much money as possible into a school, but if that family unit is not intact, supporting and reinforcing the child's study habits, it is not going to make one bit of difference for the students' academic performance. Ah yes, the decline of the family: probably one of the most awful atrocities of our society. The government surely can't hold families accountable for part of their children's education, so the responsibility is transferred to the public school system (and other organizations too). Programs upon programs, acronyms upon acronyms, standards upon standards are implemented to measure what they know, or measure what they don't know, or point fingers in circles. In some cases, teachers are let go if their class performs poorly on the FCAT. For this is accountability, dammit! They must not have been teaching at all!!

When you blow past all the tests and data and fancy-pants organizations, it leads back to the sad truth that what is lacking is parent responsibility. Parent responsibility is lacking for a number of reasons, such as education, their own upbringing, poverty, immaturity, etc. Their children are exposed to the same thing, and so on and so forth. Where is the bar set?

3. In relation to no. 2, our school only has 6 parents who are considered "active" in the school. "Active" means they consistently attend school functions and parent meetings. Please note, we have 500+ students at our elementary school.

4. I feel better when I exercise. I sleep better too.

5. My roommate adopted a cat a couple months ago which has confirmed my notion that I don't really like them. As my cousin said, "When cats look at you, you never know if they are going to cuddle with you or claw your eyes out". Very true.

6. I love living on the Westside. There are ancient oak trees, old Florida neighborhoods, people who greet you, and it's right near the river.

7. I get paid tomorrow :)

8. I am proud of my sister for taking a risk with leaving her job. Right now, everything is a big question mark, and I admire that she put her personal happiness as her no. 1 priority.

That's all for tonight. C'mon, fRiDaY!

Exposure

I introduced Andy Warhol to Grades 3-5 and Marc Chagall to Grades K-2 for their next projects. They seem fairly excited; naturally, the Kindergarten students were ooo-ing and ahhh-ing at the large pictures from the projector. It is fun to see them get so excited for a couple reasons: 1) they are engaged and 2) I wish I had been exposed to different artists at that age. It is also interesting to see their reactions to different genres of art: realism, impressionism, surrealism, pop, etc---because more often than not, they think that "good" art is realistic, i.e., if you cannot draw or paint photo-realistically, then you are not an artist. It's great to realize otherwise.

Other than school...

I've decided to start exercising again (please note, I decided this yesterday and I'm on a 2 day streak so far) and I am determined to keep up with it. There's nothing worse (for me) than resorting to television as a relaxation method. While I was out, I met my next-door neighbor (Morah) who is very sweet, and we shared our concerns about the woman who lives above Megan and me. Our upstairs neighbor is a single mom with 2 (or 3, we are not sure) kids: 9yrs. old, 5 yrs. old, and an infant. She never acknowledges us and the only thing I ever hear coming out of her mouth is the "F" word which is always aimed at her own children. Now, I can't lie; the "F" word is one that I use too often along with other expletives. But there is a time and a place. Telling your kids to "Get in the f-ing car and shut the f up" every single morning just isn't right. I won't go into too much detail, but I can say that this woman is emotionally, physically, and verbally abusive to her children, which angers me to the nth degree. Morah and I decided to research and see if we can do anything about it since she can hear the mom yelling as well. Grrr. ..people.

I'm not sure how I went from exercising to the F word.

And I'm sorry my blog is kind of depressing, thus far.

Poles

The past couple days at school have been much better than the disasters that characterized last week. We have tomorrow off, as well as Friday. I am excited to go home, visit my parents, visit my sister and new brother-in-law, eat great food, and meditate on all that has happened over the past 3 months or so.

I was talking to Lauren (my best friend from high school) last night on the phone. She teaches at an inner-city school in St. Louis. We both feel somewhat disheartened and discouraged. Teaching at these schools is odd---your moodswings are out of control; you feel determined one minute and hopeless the next; you feel obligated to be committed to these children but also want to abandon the situation; you feel like it is your responsibility to teach them EVERYTHING but then resent the homes from which they come for not providing "basic training" to function in life. It is an interesting dichotomy of extremes. I think I have yet to find a middleground, and perhaps there isn't one other than feeling nonplussed at times. No matter what, I think we are holding on to the hope that things will improve, even if it is for a class period. I begin to wonder: am I getting anything out of this? Are they getting anything out of this? Am I being selfish? Do I like the person I am becoming? Would I be happy without such a challenge?

The 1/2 Year Holiday

I went to Target today and all the oranges and browns have been changed to reds and greens. After that, it will be pinks and reds for Valentine's Day, and then pastels for Easter. The Starbucks monster has promptly adjusted their coffee cups, coozies, ads, mugs, flavors, blends, etc. The consumerist calendar is quite impressive, and also kind of sickening. As one of my professors said a couple years ago, humans are just big, dumb animals attracted to sparkling things and the color red. Target's brilliant team of advertisers and marketers picked a no-brainer when they decided to make their stores and ads predominantly red (which makes me kind of uncomfortable...what about you?). And as we all know, it's insanely convenient that all the new toys (for adults and children) happen to be released around this time of year. For example (one of my personal, outrageous favorites), the FurReal Friends Pony-Butterscotch. For $249.99, this pony can be yours! Crazy. What a crock. Try explaining that to a 7yr. old, though.

On a brighter note, there are four days of school this week, followed by 2 days next week, and then, Thanksgiving with the family! I cannot wait :)

Happy Veteran's Day to all those who have served our country.

Trains

Although this weekend had a rough start, it is turning out to be one of the most relaxing in a long time. I would like to thank the European Street Cafe in Riverside for their hummus and pita which inflicted food poisoning on Friday evening. Since then, things have picked up.

Last night, Dylan and I saw Wes Anderson's new film, The Darjeeling Limited, which I really enjoyed. Check out the link if you are interested. This was followed by frozen pizza, ice cream sandwiches, and playing Super Mario on the Wii. Awesome. This morning, we went on a bike ride from Riverside to downtown. The weather has been gorgeous over the past few days. We sat and watched the train draw-bridge go down. No matter where you live in Jacksonville (except for the beaches) you can hear the trains---especially between the hours of 2am-5am. I am convinced that the conductors lay on the horn during those hours just for shits and giggles. Whenever I see the trains, all I can think of is Z from Wolfson, and now, my two students who also seem to have a fixation with them...always asking me if we are drawing trains for the day's project. I say no, but they draw them regardless---impressive trains, at that.

School on Friday went surprisingly well, considering that Fridays are usually loaded with some of my most challenging students/classes. The only bad thing about this past Friday was when a fifth grader asked for help with his drawing. I sat down and advised him to look at the big shapes in the still-life. He didn't seem to understand, so I turned over his paper to the back side to do a demo. As I was showing him, he told me to stop because my drawing was messing up his paper. "Uhhh, that's so ugly! What are you doing to my paper?!". In the meantime, his friend was calling me a white cracker. It is moments like that that make me want to a) laugh at how ridiculous the situation is and b) kick them out of my class for the remainder of the semester and c) I shouldn't say.

Anyways, enough of that. I am looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow morning, going for another bike ride, getting some work done, etc.

Ciao.
ps-you should really see The Darjeeling Limited.

New Books

Today, I received the November and December books of the month. The December book is entitled Our Gracie Aunt by Jacqueline Woodson, illustrated by John J. Muth (gorgeous illustrations!!). It is a story about 2 children who are taken in by their aunt because their mother neglects them. I am excited to share this book with the kids and make an art connection, especially with the illustration aspect of it. One of DCPS's goals for visual arts K-12 this year is connecting art and writing: having the students create the piece of art and then be able to write and/or talk about it by using critical thinking skills. This seems like a great opportunity.

Several students are showing up to school without jackets or warm clothes despite the sudden cold snap here; in the mornings, it's in the lower 50s. A common question runs through my head when I encounter situations like this: who/what decides the environment into which we are born? I asked myself this same question while working at Wolfson with Z, in particular. Z is a four year old child who had been subject to awful, awful forms of child abuse. It makes my stomach turn just thinking back on it. Anyways, I know that I have no control over the homes in which these children are raised, just like Z. And I know there really isn't an answer to that question stated above; one could drive him/herself made trying to figure that one out. Still, it's not fair. Grrr. I know that I have control over my actions, and it only makes sense to do things for the greater good, no matter how hopeless it may feel at times.

Blah.

Referral No. ?

I am waiting for the day when I am reprimanded by the administration for writing too many referrals; I've lost count. I wrote two today for students who continuously yelled during the lesson and bullied others. If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is bullying. As a child, it would make me so angry when teachers would not do anything about it. Respecting each other seems to be one of the hardest things for my students to learn. Now, I know, in general, kids can just be plain-old ugly to each other...and I don't expect them all to like one another, but there does need to be a level of decency.

I am finding that this "level of decency" is also lacking from teacher-to-student and teacher-to-teacher. If we aren't setting good examples, who will? Calling kids "hard-headed", "girly", "cheaters", and "liars" or threatening to smack them around OR telling their parents to beat them isn't helping. Unfortunately, it has become one of the only things the students respond to.

On a more positive note, Ms. H's class has really come around. I am eager for them to do their Social Realism project in a few weeks.

Fresh Start

I have decided to actually use this blog for a few reasons:

1) for myself
2) for the sake of being responsible to write on a regular basis
3) for other people, like family and friends


I would love feedback whenever you feel the need to do so. I predict that most of what I write will be about my new job as an art teacher. It is a way for me to keep track of daily occurrences and emotions.

Happy reading....